Jonathan cainer horoscopes weekly
I'm coming but I keep my licensing and marketing rights. To visit Jonathan Cainer, a stocky man in a crumpled suit with a bald head and a steady, dark-eyed stare, at his headquarters 25 employees, mainly women, mainly long-haired in the centre of York, is to enter a world in which the sky is ecliptic, the house system is porphyry and the lunar node is mean. You can't be sensitive here without being "extraordinarily intuitive", you can't have a temper without it "erupting into a supernova".
My heavy-bound, page astrological report takes four minutes to produce. He gives you a lot of blurb about planetary positions, but he's the first to admit that he's got Mercury in Capricorn which "blesses you with the ability to sound like you know what you're talking about even when you're spouting rubbish". He is also likeably frank about his profession. I believe in astrology.
Astrology is a belief system, not an art or a science, though there is a bit of art and science chucked in, and I am a true subscriber to that belief. But my belief system gets a bit stretched when I find myself in the game of forecasting for a 12th of the population. Star signs, he says, are not what it's about, but if you are involved in the "commercial side of things", if you have "sold out and are standing there naked doing ridiculous things", you might as well do it properly.
If you work on the basis that life is tough but never mind, one of these days it will take a turn for the better, you can't go wrong. If you turn to most people and acknowledge the fact that they're having a crap time, you'll find very few people who'll say, 'No, I'm not. You look at your horoscope because you're desperate, you'll look anywhere. So to that extent it makes no difference what sign you are, or where the planets are.
My job is to be philosophical and to offer encouragement, to say, 'Look, when you're in a rough period, learn through it. I am that Lucy, yes. As for the lucrative phone lines, he says: "Look, what are they? Glorified answering machines. One for Aries, Taurus With lots of lines going in. That's all they blooming well are.
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The overheads are bugger all. The costs are bugger all. And you can buy the equipment for less than 25 grand. That's a hell of a big profit margin Cainer hasn't always been an astrologer. He was born in Surbiton but when his parents split up when he was 13, he went to live in Leeds with his mother once a medical secretary, now a spiritual healer and twin brothers, and soon dropped out of school to become a petrol attendant. He was in a band called Strange Cloud before, "fancying myself a bit of an entrepreneur", he fetched up in LA. Here he touted his brother around as a singer, managed a nightclub and met a pyschic poet called Charles John Quatro.
Back in England, he lived on "this glorious thing called social security" and studied at the Faculty of Astrological Studies in London. His first astrological job was at Today - which he also left in a phone line dispute. I don't know if people know that. Well, the tax man certainly knows. It's a 50p piece that had been balancing on the top of the sofa.
Cainer laughs, "That's what happens if you sit around here. Money falls on to you. Horoscopes and money. Money and horoscopes. It is hard, in conversation with Cainer, to disentangle the two. Until you start talking personally.
In , Cainer's wife, Melanie, died in surgery after a car crash. The 13th Sign?
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